WELCOME to my Gentlemans Guide to Dress Shoes. Before we begin I feel compelled to take a bit of editorial liberty here, and to express my opinions on a very special subject - that being GOOD TASTE and STYLE. There are many well heeled and/or somewhat self indulgent people in this world who will spend top dollar to procure the finest of anything they happen to desire. However they seem to often times be afflicted with a complete lack of taste or sense of style, and try to compensate for this by simply spending a boat load of money. This is NOT effective. An item that is ugly or unattractive at $50 - remains ugly and unattractive at $5000. Remember - while beauty is only skin deep - ugly goes all the way to the bone. This said I would like to present a few style tips before we begin.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF DRESS SHOE STYLE AND TASTE
1) Thou shalt not buy anything with a "tassel". I am not sure if a "tassel" was ever in style - but it most certainly has faded from glory since the end of World War 2. Pom Poms, ribbons, bows, silver bells, studs and concho's fall into this category also. Just don't do it.
2) Thou shalt not not buy two tone wing tips, or any other two tone dress shoe for that matter. NOTHING says 1950, sock hops, bee bop, and drive through hamburger stands - MORE - than two tone dress shoes These are UGLY - to the marrow - to anyone. Period.
3) Thou shall not buy strange or "exotic" skins. These went out with the disco ball. Still found on some cowboy boots for unknown reasons, they have no place on a gentleman's dress shoe. This includes ostrich, alligator, crocodile, sting ray, eel, frog (seriously!), lizard, and any other bizarre hide. Proper dress shoes are made of leather. Period.
4) Thou shall not buy suede shoes. Blue suede shoes died with Elvis. All other colors of suede dress shoes followed shortly thereafter. Let them rest in peace.
5) Thou shall not play - one two, buckle my shoe. Unless you are a Leprechaun - your shoes should at no time have - buckles.
6) Thou shall not fold, spindle, perforate, and mutilate thy dress shoes. Remember in the modern world - from a style standpoint - less is more. The over done perforated, medallioned, multi tier, spike edges wing tip went out of style while JFK was president. This is NOT the style anymore. Bluntly only cigar smoking, grumpy, stodgy old bankers at the country club still wear these shoes. Basket weaves, embossing, patterns and any other such nonsense fall into this category also. If you want to embellish your shoe a bit - on the edge of the toe cap - or with a medallion - that is fine. But keep it tasteful. And understated. It is SO easy to overdo it. In the modern world, elegance is most often defined by understated simplicity. I tell you again - less - is more. If in doubt - just say - NO.
7) Thou shall not dress like a green haired drum player from Rolling Stones magazine. In terms of style - again - less is more. Do not get too over the top with the latest fashion trend. You will look like a fashion victim - constantly. Dress shoes do not sport Andy Warhol style patches, tattoos, splits, decorative scars or seams, studs, concho's, nose rings, silver bells, red soles, or lights in the heel. A nice pair of conservative or semi-conservative shoes will take you much farther, and make you much happier, in the long run.
8) Thou shall not be a rainbow. There is no "new black". Black - is the new black - and still goes with everything. If you don't know what color to buy - buy black. Period. If you don't want black - stay with a conservative color. Brown or cordovan burgundy would be considered conservative. Tan is acceptable under the age of 35. And unless fancy yourself some sort of "Gangsta" - for the love of God do not buy blood red full quill ostrich or neon purple crocodile shoes to go to work in! Or to be seen anywhere else in public in for that matter!
9) Thou shall not wear slippers in a formal environment. Contrary to what wine tasters in California might wish you to believe, a proper pair of dress shoes has laces. There is nothing wrong with slippers or loafers in less formal environments, or even at the office, if attire is business casual. But nothing looks quite so silly as a man in a nice blue pinstripe suit coming to work wearing - slippers. Even worse than that - wingtip slippers - with tassels. The only thing worse than that would be two tone canary yellow and tangerine orange full quill ostrich with alligator trim slippers with patches, tassels, and heels that light up! Formal dress shoes have laces. Period. So if you are going to wear a suit to any occasion - remember to TIE your shoes.
10) Thou shalt not skimp on quality. Do not choose a fine pair of shoes - and skimp and save at the end. It makes you look like you ran out of money. Spend the extra few dollars and get the leather soles instead of rubber for example. Also shell cordovan leather is the finest quality shoe leather available. It is worth the extra money. If the shoe you choose is available in this material, pay the extra money, and buy it. You will not regret your decision.
