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Gamle pappa Townshend??
Sist redigert:Understanding enginners
Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Take Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said," If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."A female trump supporter is desperately looking for a parking place but can't find one.
"Lord," she says, "if you find me a parking place, I'll go to Mass every day for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appears.
The lady says, "Never mind. I found one."Deserted island.
A man and his dog are shipwrecked on a deserted island.
After a few days he decides to take the dog and reconnoiter the island.
He discovers that the only other inhabitants are sheep.
He recalls how his farm buddies would brag how they would screw sheep for kicks and he says to himself: "I'll never be that desperate."
Sooooo, a few weeks later he can't get those sheep out of his mind, and soon he's sneaking up on the flock.
Just as he is about to pounce on a really cute one, the dog grabs his leg and won't let go.
He snaps out of it, and thanks the dog for keeping him from making a fool of himself.
This same scene happens every night for a month and the guy starts to get really pissed at the dog.
Then one day, the man spies a life-raft bobbing in the surf.
In the raft is a beautiful young girl, barely alive. He takes her back to his hut, revives her and nurses her to health.
After a few days the girl is feeling fine, and that evening a rush of gratitude sweeps over her....
She confronts the man: "I owe you my life. I'm yours forever. I'll do anything you want"
"Anything?"
"Anything!!"
"OK, hold that dog for ten minutes!!!"
En kar har søkt jobb som røver hos selveste Alibaba. Han tilbringer mye tid sammen med de 39 andre røverne, alle menn, ute i ørkenen. I starten tenker han ikke altfor mye på sine behov, men etter å ikke ha sett et kvinnemenneske på flere måneder betror han seg til en av de andre røverne som han har blitt ganske godt kjent med. Den andre røveren forklarer at det er helt vanlig, og at trikset er at om natten, når kamelene har lagt seg ned, så kan man ha seg en liten hyrdestund med en av dem. Den nye gremmes av tanken og innser at han nok bare må finne seg i å ta saken i egne hender. Men månedene går og etter hvert begynner han seriøst å vurdere vennens forslag. Etter mye grubling sniker han seg til slutt ut en sen kveld. I det svake lyset fra noen fakler finner han en kamel og lar det stå til. Men straks han får kommet seg i posisjon blir han overveldet av et latterbrøl fra 39 andre røvere. Han får på seg fillene og sniker seg skamfull tilbake til teltet sitt. Morgenen etter konfronterer han denne vennen som han trodde han kunne stole på. "Hva i helvete var poenget med det der? Du sa at dere løste det på den måten, også står alle og ler av meg?". "Så så" svarte vennen, "det stemmer det, men du trengte vel ikke akkurat å ta den desidert styggeste kamelen vi har?"-Jeg har så probøemer med å sove om natta, doktor.
- I slike tilfeller pleier jeg å anbefale rikelig med sexuell aktivitet.
-Vil anstrengelsen hjelpe meg å sovne?
-Ikke nødvendigvis, men det blir mye morsommere å være våken.Jeg skal skrifte i dag sa den første korgutten til den andre, og jeg er litt bekymret.
Du har kjent denne presten lenge. Hva pleier han å gi for homofile handlinger?
Tja, svarte den andre korgutten, vanligvis et par sjokoladeplater.
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- 23.03.2006
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En ung kvinne kom til presten og spurte hva fellatio er. Presten syntes det var litt vanskelig å forklare så han viste henne hva fellatio er. Siden hun var litt tungnem måtte hun komme tilbake dagen etter så han kunne vise henne det en gang til.....
Rowan Atkinson Marriage from hell; the Priest
"and ever since whenever anyone has asked me the question, father what is the church´s attitude to fellatio, I always reply; well you know I´d like to tell you but unfortunately I don´t know what fellatio is"
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gismo
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